SEX! It Is Doable Not To Be Doable!

I have been blindsided by the “truths” about the realities of dating in our culture today – by what I’ve been told by others and by what I’ve experienced in my attempts to step out as a Christian woman in this less than kind world today.

It’s been said to me on several occasions that I set my standards way too high.  All I could think of when I first heard this was, I do not expect perfection!  I’ve been married, and I know that even when you have two people who truly love each other marriage is work.  There’s no such thing as a perfect person, just perfect for each other.

I’ve also been told that I am scary.  Really?  What’s so scary about me?  My own mother told me this.  She said, “you’re a widow and that’s scary.”  Well Great!  I can’t do anything about that, so that’s all on God’s shoulders to remedy.  I certainly do not expect anyone to step into Warren’s shoes.  He was his own person and his shoes are in heaven now.  This is not the issue that frustrates me so much though.  I am discouraged by what people are telling me are my “over the top standards” that cause me to ask again – Really?

For starters, I don’t drink.  Wow!  I think I just heard many of you gasp.  That’s right, I do not drink at all.  No, not even a glass of red wine with my pasta at Carrabba’s.  Not only do I not drink, I do not want it anywhere in my home.  People know that if I have a gathering, like I often do for New Years, there won’t be any alcohol.  Surprisingly to some, I usually have a full house to ring in a new year.

I have watched what alcohol can and does do to families.  I’ve watched its damaging effects in my own family and in the lives of countless others.  I don’t have statistics to offer you, but a large majority of the prison inmates I’ve ministered to started their downward spiral into a life of crime with their first taste of some sort of strong drink.  If you’ve read some of my past writings, you will also know that alcohol played a major role in why I am “back on the market” to begin with.  My husband was killed by a man who downed a few drinks at three different bars before getting into his car to drive.  I don’t blame alcohol completely, because there are usually deeper issues as to why many drink so heavily, but the stuff is mind altering and has proven over and over again to have devastating effects.  I guess the fact that I live in Music City, the land of the Honky-Tonk bars, does greatly narrow my options being a non-drinker, but why should I purposefully open a door to a world so potentially destructive?

I strive to live my life pleasing to God.  I am far from perfect and greatly need His help and strength to walkout this life’s journey, but I own my actions.  No one can “make me do it,” not even the devil.  So with all that being said, here is the next standard I set that is apparently too high for our culture today.  I will not sleep with those I date.

I think I just heard another gasp from some of you.  You’re reading, so you can pause for a moment if you need to.  Am I tempted?  Well, am I human?  Of course, but God says not to do it, so I don’t do it.  It is doable not to be doable.  Here’s the thing, if God says not to live a certain way He will give us the strength to live according to what He commands.  In reading my Bible through, I have come to the absolute knowing that God has a reason for everything He asks of us.  And, He has never withheld every good and perfect gift from those who walk in obedience.  That’s not to say we won’t struggle at times, but He will make a way of escape from the temptation.  It’s our job to walk in the way of escape.

“Nor let us commit sexual immorality, as some of them did, and in one day twenty-three thousand fell…Therefore let him who thinks he stands take heed lest he fall.  No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it” – 1 Cor. 10:8,12-13

“Therefore submit to God.  Resist the devil and he will flee from you.  Draw near to God and He will draw near to you.  Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded.  Lament and mourn and weep! Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom.  Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and He will lift you up.”  – James 4:7-10

There is a call of action on our part.  Don’t get prideful trusting in our own strength.  Whatever it is, don’t do it.   Submit and flee when the temptations comes, and certainly do not try passing the blame off onto God or the devil.

Apparently, by not having sex with a dinner companion, I’m simply refusing to say hello!  Well excuse me for being the prude and for not wanting to catch some funky virus.  The truth is, I just want to be pleasing to God.  I want to honor my future husband by stating not only with words but much more without action, that he was worth the wait.  I do not want to throw away my integrity for a momentary pleasure.  Besides, the standards I’m wrestling to live by are not my standards, they’re God’s.  Maybe the question we should ask ourselves when we’re facing any temptation is, do I love God more than what’s presently tempting me?  Is what I’m about to do worth separating myself from God for?  Separation was the consequence for Adam and Eve in the Garden, why wouldn’t it be the same for us today?

Have we really become so desensitized to sin?  Our minds can justify a lot of things if we play with our human reasoning long enough.  No matter how much we convince ourselves with our human logic, if our thoughts and decisions go against God’s word then we must choose not to risk that our knower is smarter than omniscient God.

“Now the serpent was more cunning than any beast of the field which the LORD God had made. And he said to the woman, “Has God indeed said?…For God knows that in the day you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” – Genesis 3:1a, 5

Our eyes surely have been opened to know good and evil, and we’ve paid a very high price for listening to and acting on the voice that “justifies” and “enlightens” us.

What voice will you and I choose to follow today?  It is our choice.


2011, Keeping It Real!

I will be writing soon about why I am considered the bubble girl.

If temptation has overtaken you, there is forgiveness.  If you ask God for forgiveness and change your actions to match His call on your life, He forgives and allows you to start over.  Just get back up and keep running toward Him.  God loves you!

(Sometimes we all need a little help along our journey.  It’s ok to ask for help if you’re struggling with anything at all.  As a matter of fact, being accountable to someone is a huge key to successful living.  Reach out for a counselor in your area,  I am not at all associated with the link I have provided.)


  1. prit4099 said,

    06/20/2011 at 11:50

    Good morning Shannan,

    I agree, the dating world today is cruel and not very understanding. It is wonderful that you stick with your morals and even more so that you can openly write about them. I look forward to the day that I can actually meet you! Keep trusting in the Lord and you will find the “right one”.

    • 06/20/2011 at 11:50

      Thanks so much B. The moment I hit the button to post this writing I began to pray for God’s covering, no doubt it will cause some of the “cruel” to throw back some thoughts. That’s ok though, they did the same to Jesus 🙂 I’m sure our paths will cross at some point with the mutual friends we have. I love them dearly.

  2. Lisa said,

    06/20/2011 at 11:50

    YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You are the most “normal” blogger I know!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Keep on doing life Gods way Shannan ~ For great is your reward ~ So proud of you!

    • 06/20/2011 at 11:50

      Haha! Lisa, I think you are the first person to classify me as “normal.” I’ll take it 🙂 I’d rather die alone than fall and make God sad for me. Please pray for His continued strength in my life. I love you lots friend!!!

  3. Susan Barber said,

    06/20/2011 at 11:50


    You are spot on! I whole heartedly agree with you. Nothing in this world is worth compromising our obedience to God. Heb 12:14 states with without holiness no one will see God. I’m a tee-totaler…no alcohol at all..And no fornication for me! I want to be holy and see the Lord. I want His best for me. God bless you in your walk.

    • 06/20/2011 at 11:50

      God bless you Susan. I pray God will cover you and strengthen you also. Thank you for taking this stand with me. I am encouraged to hear these testimonies.

      “Then he said, “Let not the Lord be angry, and I will speak but once more: Suppose ten (righteous) should be found there?” And He said, “I will not destroy it for the sake of ten.” – Gen. 18:32

      Lord, if there be just one??? Amen!

  4. Trecia Stumbaugh said,

    06/20/2011 at 11:50

    Shannan!! There is NOTHING wrong with your standards! Just look at the man that I married and how he chose to view both topics in your blog in the same way. God STILL sent him someone who waited with him and is SO grateful for the fact that he DID wait! Your standards ARE NOT too high. God is still preparing the man that HE has for you and he will come. When he does he will have the most strong and committed wife he could ever ask for!

    Love you!

    • 06/20/2011 at 11:50

      Trecia, I think of the two of you often. I love the testimony of how God brought the two of you together, and I was moved to see how he looked at you on your wedding day. That look of love cannot be faked or man given. Thank you for your prayers and vote of confidence. God is good and faithful!

  5. Tracey Paris said,

    06/20/2011 at 11:50

    Thank you Shannan for your honesty….it is a scary world we live in and the standards have been lowered to satisfy self, rather then GOD. Each day will bring its struggles…but GOD promises us that HE is with us and HE will not forsake us! GOD has a plan and a purpose….we don’t always know but we do know that HE watches over us…you are not a prud you have self worth and you are honouring your one true love GOD!!! I keep saying why in the world do people not value themselves…why do they feel that they are not worth anything….I am so glad that you know your worth and that you value who you are in GOD. WE love you and miss you and we want you to know you are not on this journey alone but that you have many friends that are prayfully on this journey with you!!!
    Love the Paris Family!!!

    • 06/20/2011 at 11:50

      I appreciate you presenting the question, “why in the world do people not value themselves…why do they feel that they are not worth anything?” I struggle with my own issues, but instead of basing my self-worth on what I feel in a moment, I am choosing to trust who God says I am. He said I am fearfully and wonderfully made, (Psalm 139:14) and I’m made in His image, (Genesis 1:27)! How can I not be of great worth? If “man” does not see me of value, God does!

      I love you too! You have been steady rocks for me in a season of life altering earthquakes. I miss you all!

  6. Dale Sherwood said,

    06/20/2011 at 11:50

    Shannan, you are very special . . . continue to keep your high morals and be blessed by God. If we had a daughter, we would want her to be like you, following in His Path and staying true to the Word. Yes, indeed, your worth is far above rubies and He will honour you for your lifestyle. Shannan, you are on our “permanent prayer list” and we love you very much.

    One thought, don’t you think it’s time to contact a publisher and have all your journal / blog entries in book form. Your writings deserve to be available !!

    Messiah’s Blessings
    Dale (and Claude)

    • 06/20/2011 at 11:50

      What an amazing and humbling compliment. In many ways, you have been parents to me over the years. You’ve hugged me in many ways and you continue to do so today. Thank You! I know there are some who read my blog that work for publishers. God will tell me when it’s time to run full force down that road. Until then I will keep writing. Keep me in your prayers on this issue. I will admit, it’s hard to devote the the time needed with the weight of the rest of life’s “stuff” all on my shoulder. The everyday stuff presses in sometimes. I am taking this time to learn as I write. I have a WONDERFUL editor who has donate her time free of charge and has taught me a lot. I plan on blogging about her soon.

  7. Myles Holmes said,

    06/20/2011 at 11:50

    Bless you for living life GOD’s Way! You are an incredibly valuable TREASURE, so you are never surprised when the enemy tries to de-value your worth.
    THANK you for these thoughts on Christian disciplines, they appear radical to a lost culture, but they are simply a reflection of CHRIST in you!

    • 06/20/2011 at 11:50

      WOW! I long so desperately for Christ to shine through me. I pray for this and ask for God to protect my testimony. You have encouraged my heart in such a beautiful way today. I hope that my writing will rescue many from falling for the lies of the enemy. I pray the youth will see that they are worth far more than being someone else’s temporary toy. God bless you both in your ministry!!!

  8. 06/20/2011 at 11:50

    Great post Shannan! Eharmony told me & Kelly we would never meet anyone because our standards were too high (no alcohol/no sex). We met on yahoo 2 months later!

    • 06/20/2011 at 11:50

      Adam that is awesome! I think God loves when something is deemed “impossible,” it gives Him the stage to show how ALL things are possible in Him 🙂 Very Cool!

  9. sallen83 said,

    06/20/2011 at 11:50

    I appreciate your high standards. My mother married, had three children, and was widowed by the age of 22. I see many parallel charater traits between the two of you. Stay strong!

    • 06/20/2011 at 11:50

      Oh Steve! What a beautiful compliment. I am honored that you would place me in the same category as your mother. I remember the first time we met, you shared about your mom in the studio that day. Thank you doesn’t seem like ample words…

  10. Nick Nickles said,

    06/20/2011 at 11:50

    Shannan, it scares me that there are apparently many people that suggest that your standards are too high. The standards that you display are nothing short of what I read in the Book of Life. If I may be so bold, they aren’t your standards, they are God’s standards that you are living and applying. God set the standard and who are we, as a body, as a society, as a people, to lower those standards? It’s that mindset that has caused our Nation to go from a foundation of Bible believing, Jesus loving servants, to a land where it has become acceptable to remove Jesus and the Bible from schools and everywhere else outside of our home and our church. It’s the epitome of pride and arrogance to say, “Well I know the Bible says fornication is a sin. But Jesus’s blood covers my sins and if we’re two consenting adults, Jesus understands.” NO HE DOESN’T! He doesn’t accept it, give a pass to it, or cover it. Any active sin in our lives that is unrepented of is not covered by the blood of Christ. If we claim to know that the Bible says it’s wrong but we suggest that Christ “understands” and forgives us, that’s saying that He is a LIAR! It’s either SIN or it’s not. I’ve not read any scripture that says that sin is acceptable under certain conditions. It also suggests that we can sin all we want to and as long as we have a fish on our car and a dusty Bible on the coffee table, we’ve got a spot with Him for eternity. That’s exactly what Satan is banking on. God told Adam and Eve not to eat of the tree and Satan came along and said go for it. Well, Satan is still telling believers “go for it!” It wasn’t OK in the garden, and it’s not OK in the bedroom! So, my dear sister, you continue to serve Jesus and set your standards as high as God has and if your standards ever align with society (believers or non-believers) then be very afraid! It probably means that you need to re-calibrate! 🙂

    • 06/20/2011 at 11:50

      AMEN! It has saddened me also Nick. I would say it’s usually those who profess to be followers of Christ who tell me “the realities,” but I now realize it just appears that way. Those not following Christ would have no reason to “enlighten” me. I will say, I’m often complimented by the secular world for living out what I believe – just more proof they are watching our actions as examples.

      Using God’s grace as an excuse to continue in sin is a far greater crime against God than the initial mistake made. You are so right in calling it the “epitome of pride.” We treat God as a genie rather than giving Him the Honor He is due as He is Holy.

      I’d rather have Jesus than anything this world can offer. I pray I never fall for evils deceptions. Thank you for your very powerful words!

  11. Pedro said,

    06/20/2011 at 11:50

    Following God’s standards makes you desirable, not “scary”, to the right person. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on the issues of alcohol, dating and sex. This is something a lot of us struggle with but must decide who we should follow and remain obedient. Thanks for reminding us that not all is lost and that we can ask for forgiveness and change our actions to match Him if we’ve fallen into temptation. You are an inspiration to me.

    • 06/20/2011 at 11:50

      How very kind Pedro, If all were lost for people struggling in this area there would be no hope for anyone. When the enemy tries to beat us up for a failure we must remember that NO sin is greater then another. Sin is sin, period! And, God forgives completely when we ask for His forgiveness and change our ways.

  12. 06/20/2011 at 11:50

    It’s been shocking to me to find the number of people who just assume Rick and I are having sex, or even that we “celebrated” our engagement by having sex. I thought people would expect more from a Christian, even more so from an ordained pastor, but apparently they don’t think it’s possible – or advisable – to wait! One older woman actually told me that if I didn’t hurry up an “give in” that he would find someone else who would! When I assured her that it wasn’t just MY decision, but his as well, she didn’t believe me. How have we come so far from God’s truth, even within the church? This shouldn’t be a shocking post. It should be normal among those who profess faith in Jesus Christ. I think it’s a problem for so many because they don’t know who they are in Christ, they don’t understand just how much they are loved and treasured by God. When we come to understand those truths, when we see the peace and joy of standing innocent before the Lord, then nothing else will do. I wouldn’t trade this feeling for anything.

    And I’ll also admit that there is great joy in the anticipation of our wedding night and honeymoon. That stupid phrase that “you have to try it before you buy it” is ridiculous. We KNOW we have chemistry. And once we’ve “bought it” – there’s no turning back, so we’ll do what we need to to make it work! There will be total freedom in knowing that we’re safe together and as we figure things out, we have no reason to be ashamed. We won’t become “good at sex”; we’ll become good at understanding each other. As we figure each other out, not just sexually but in other ways too, we’ll truly become one flesh.

    I wondered all my life if it was possible to find a man who was truly a Christian and lived out his beliefs. I was one who got discouraged and bought into the lie that it wasn’t possible. Being with Rick has helped me believe again and that is a priceless treasure. Shannan, YOU will be a priceless treasure to the man God has for you to marry too.

    • 06/21/2011 at 11:50

      I don’t think you told me about the older woman who told you to hurry up and sleep with him! WOW! This saddens me. Where do we draw the line to compromise? If this is the depth of our mentors/leadership, then we are in far greater trouble than I thought. This brings me to a whole new level of understanding the importance of the scripture in Proverbs.

      “Thorns and snares are in the way of the perverse; He who guards his soul will be far from them. Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.” – Prov. 22:5-6

      The way we lead others, or “train up a child” can not only cause them to “not depart” from God, but it can cause then to completely depart from Him. There’s no way to know who we are in Christ once this separation has taken place. Praise God there is a way to come back – Jesus bridged this gap.

      Warren and I waited for each other also. I cannot wait until you get to experience what you so truthfully stated, “We won’t become “good at sex”; we’ll become good at understanding each other. As we figure each other out, not just sexually but in other ways too, we’ll truly become one flesh.” God has given you a wonderful man in Rick and I pray all of heaven’s blessings on you and your future family.

  13. Nicolette said,

    06/20/2011 at 11:50

    I can relate on many levels Shannan. Many colleagues and friends tell me I have over the top standards and that I am too idealistic, for my morals and values. But I cling to my conservative standards and beliefs, to the Lord’s plan for my life and God’s word.

    • 06/21/2011 at 11:50

      Way To God!!!! God never leaves His children begging for bread either…LOL! May God bless you far beyond what your mind can dream Nicolette!

  14. Mommakisses said,

    06/20/2011 at 11:50

    Shannan – hold fast my friend! I was told I wouldn’t find a man in church by a former pastor. Well, ok, I didn’t find him in chuch… my best friend did and she introduced us. Neither of us drink at all AND not only did we not sleep together before we got married, we didn’t even kiss until we were engaged. God can do anything when you trust Him to do it. Delight yourself in Him… Blessings, my friend!

    • 06/21/2011 at 11:50

      I just love your testimony. I’ve only experienced the mentality of those found in the church, which is sad, but I don’t want one not grounded in God and in church. I refuse to lose hope though. Truthfully it would be extremely arrogant of me to do so. I’m not the only one with these strong convictions, you all have proven this, so I believe God will send the right person for me as He sees fit. There are a lot of great guys, but not all are great for me. You certainly gave the key to all success in life, “Delight yourself also in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.” -Psalm 37:4 This has been one of the scriptures I’ve clung to since childhood. Most all the time it would be the one I would sign under my name when signing one of our CD’s or pictures. Thank you for the reminder!

  15. Hal the DJ said,

    06/20/2011 at 11:50

    Hey, Shannan!
    Well, after having lived ‘in the singles market’ for all but the last 3 years, I know what you’re saying re standards of even Christians is pretty accurate. Sadly, the church isn’t a whole lot different than the world.
    Two thoughts come to mind:
    People told me the lie, “You’ll never find a virgin in this day & age.” Praise God – they were wrong! He saved one for me – and she’s GORGEOUS! (Which blew another lie out of the water). So, NOT everyone is living that way! A word to the reader – if you’re hanging out with people who are living like the world, PLEASE leave them & find friends that are! Your testimony & life is too precious to be messed up by sin!
    Secondly – Shannan, as long as I’ve known you, you’ve always been a leader. You’ve taken a bold stand for righteousness on stage & off. Perhaps God has you right where you are to raise the standard of dating behavior among His people.
    Thanks for using your influence to challenge the status quo!
    Looking forward to when I get to introduce you to my bride!

    • 06/21/2011 at 11:50

      Another AWESOME testimony to who Almighty God is. I love how God plows right through the, “You’ll never” and the “impossible.” I am so excited for you and hope I can meet your beautiful bride some day.

      Thank you H. for your amazing words of affirmation. I’ve never seen myself as a “leader,” but I’ve come to realize that we all are leading someone, on some level, at all times. After I posted this blog, I began to thank God for this platform He’s given me to minister from. It may look different from those of the past, but all are equally important and impactful.

  16. JEFF said,

    06/21/2011 at 11:50

    thanks Shannan/i really appreciate your commentary on theses subjects.Ive been on both sides of the fence on each topic, and with out a doubt , for me and my experiences when we walk away, or remove ourselves from the WORD, and family of GOD. the tempter will deceptively destroy us. thanks so much. JEFF AND DENISE CHAVEZ

    • 06/27/2011 at 11:50

      So true Jeff! Jesus set the example of how we win the battle with temptation when He was tempted by Satan in the wilderness. He said, “It is written.” It’s the Word of God where our victory is certain.

  17. 06/22/2011 at 11:50

    I totally agree with you Mrs. Shannan! All my life people have been telling me that my standards are impossibly high, but I refuse to lower them just to please the masses. God is my number one priority. I’ll let Him worry about finding the right guy for me rather than me running around trying to sift through thousands of wrong men.

    • 06/27/2011 at 11:50

      I am so proud of you! You are an extremely beautiful young lady, and with this gift many will follow your example. When your feelings try to sway your decision ask God for His strength to help you to wait until His best is ready for you. I pray God shelter you under His wings of safety.

  18. Bob Teeple said,

    06/22/2011 at 11:50

    It’s good that you are upholding such high standards, and I include smoking in those standards as well.

    • 06/27/2011 at 11:50

      Me too Bob. I’ve also witnessed the devastating consequences of smoking.

  19. mnickles7 said,

    06/25/2011 at 11:50

    You go girl! I give you lots of credit for living God’s standards! It’s not easy by any means, but with God ALL things are possible. Not some things, but ALL things are possible! Your future husband will definitely love and respect you more for being pure. 🙂

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