SEX! It Is Doable Not To Be Doable!

06/20/2011 at 11:50 (Lessons learned)
Tags: Adam and Eve, dating in our culture today, God, Honky-Tonk bars, I set my standards way too high, Music City, New Years, pasta at Carrabba's, Sex, Shannan Parker, Temptation, Tempted, the devil, the stuff is mind altering

I have been blindsided by the “truths” about the realities of dating in our culture today – by what I’ve been told by others and by what I’ve experienced in my attempts to step out as a Christian woman in this less than kind world today.

It’s been said to me on several occasions that I set my standards way too high.  All I could think of when I first heard this was, I do not expect perfection!  I’ve been married, and I know that even when you have two people who truly love each other marriage is work.  There’s no such thing as a perfect person, just perfect for each other.

I’ve also been told that I am scary.  Really?  What’s so scary about me?  My own mother told me this.  She said, “you’re a widow and that’s scary.”  Well Great!  I can’t do anything about that, so that’s all on God’s shoulders to remedy.  I certainly do not expect anyone to step into Warren’s shoes.  He was his own person and his shoes are in heaven now.  This is not the issue that frustrates me so much though.  I am discouraged by what people are telling me are my “over the top standards” that cause me to ask again – Really?

For starters, I don’t drink.  Wow!  I think I just heard many of you gasp.  That’s right, I do not drink at all.  No, not even a glass of red wine with my pasta at Carrabba’s.  Not only do I not drink, I do not want it anywhere in my home.  People know that if I have a gathering, like I often do for New Years, there won’t be any alcohol.  Surprisingly to some, I usually have a full house to ring in a new year.

I have watched what alcohol can and does do to families.  I’ve watched its damaging effects in my own family and in the lives of countless others.  I don’t have statistics to offer you, but a large majority of the prison inmates I’ve ministered to started their downward spiral into a life of crime with their first taste of some sort of strong drink.  If you’ve read some of my past writings, you will also know that alcohol played a major role in why I am “back on the market” to begin with.  My husband was killed by a man who downed a few drinks at three different bars before getting into his car to drive.  I don’t blame alcohol completely, because there are usually deeper issues as to why many drink so heavily, but the stuff is mind altering and has proven over and over again to have devastating effects.  I guess the fact that I live in Music City, the land of the Honky-Tonk bars, does greatly narrow my options being a non-drinker, but why should I purposefully open a door to a world so potentially destructive?

I strive to live my life pleasing to God.  I am far from perfect and greatly need His help and strength to walkout this life’s journey, but I own my actions.  No one can “make me do it,” not even the devil.  So with all that being said, here is the next standard I set that is apparently too high for our culture today.  I will not sleep with those I date.

I think I just heard another gasp from some of you.  You’re reading, so you can pause for a moment if you need to.  Am I tempted?  Well, am I human?  Of course, but God says not to do it, so I don’t do it.  It is doable not to be doable.  Here’s the thing, if God says not to live a certain way He will give us the strength to live according to what He commands.  In reading my Bible through, I have come to the absolute knowing that God has a reason for everything He asks of us.  And, He has never withheld every good and perfect gift from those who walk in obedience.  That’s not to say we won’t struggle at times, but He will make a way of escape from the temptation.  It’s our job to walk in the way of escape.

“Nor let us commit sexual immorality, as some of them did, and in one day twenty-three thousand fell…Therefore let him who thinks he stands take heed lest he fall.  No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it” – 1 Cor. 10:8,12-13

“Therefore submit to God.  Resist the devil and he will flee from you.  Draw near to God and He will draw near to you.  Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded.  Lament and mourn and weep! Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom.  Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and He will lift you up.”  – James 4:7-10

There is a call of action on our part.  Don’t get prideful trusting in our own strength.  Whatever it is, don’t do it.   Submit and flee when the temptations comes, and certainly do not try passing the blame off onto God or the devil.

Apparently, by not having sex with a dinner companion, I’m simply refusing to say hello!  Well excuse me for being the prude and for not wanting to catch some funky virus.  The truth is, I just want to be pleasing to God.  I want to honor my future husband by stating not only with words but much more without action, that he was worth the wait.  I do not want to throw away my integrity for a momentary pleasure.  Besides, the standards I’m wrestling to live by are not my standards, they’re God’s.  Maybe the question we should ask ourselves when we’re facing any temptation is, do I love God more than what’s presently tempting me?  Is what I’m about to do worth separating myself from God for?  Separation was the consequence for Adam and Eve in the Garden, why wouldn’t it be the same for us today?

Have we really become so desensitized to sin?  Our minds can justify a lot of things if we play with our human reasoning long enough.  No matter how much we convince ourselves with our human logic, if our thoughts and decisions go against God’s word then we must choose not to risk that our knower is smarter than omniscient God.

“Now the serpent was more cunning than any beast of the field which the LORD God had made. And he said to the woman, “Has God indeed said?…For God knows that in the day you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” – Genesis 3:1a, 5

Our eyes surely have been opened to know good and evil, and we’ve paid a very high price for listening to and acting on the voice that “justifies” and “enlightens” us.

What voice will you and I choose to follow today?  It is our choice.

~Shannan

2011, Keeping It Real!

I will be writing soon about why I am considered the bubble girl.

If temptation has overtaken you, there is forgiveness.  If you ask God for forgiveness and change your actions to match His call on your life, He forgives and allows you to start over.  Just get back up and keep running toward Him.  God loves you!

(Sometimes we all need a little help along our journey.  It’s ok to ask for help if you’re struggling with anything at all.  As a matter of fact, being accountable to someone is a huge key to successful living.  Reach out for a counselor in your area, http://www.findchristiancounselor.com/?gclid=CK_jhMGpxKkCFQ8r7AodXllKkw.  I am not at all associated with the link I have provided.)