Never Assume You Know!

“Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He will give you the desires and secret petitions of your heart.” – Psalm 37:4 (amplified)

Today I am a 35 year old widow.  Back in December 2005, I moved our home office to another room in the house, emptying out the existing office completely.  I was acting in faith that my husband and I were going to be blessed by God with a new addition to our family.  Family members were already gathering baby furniture from their storage units, attics, and garages, to pass along to use.  I spent every opportunity I had online researching as much health information I could find.  I wanted to get myself as healthy as possible before I got pregnant.  It’s amazing what all you can give up or what you can take in when life is no longer just about you.  I was almost completely off of coffee by the end of December, soy became an absolute no-no, and I had formed a new love for sweet potatoes – minus all the butter and sugar of course!

Around the third week of the month, Warren came running down the stairs, fresh out of the shower and sporting only a towel.  I looked up from where I was sitting on the couch, but before I could mention the water still dripping from him he began to share his thoughts with great enthusiasm.

Up until this point in time we were just too busy to entertain the thought of expanding our family.  There were a lot of obstacles with life on the road.  One major hurdle was the fact that we wanted to keep our kids home as much as possible for at least the first five years of their lives.  We wanted our children to grasp the importance of home and having a home church to be committed to.  After nine and half years of marriage, and much prayer, our hearts began to dream about parenthood.

Here’s a song that friends of our played that God used to nudge us along..

As Warren bounced his dripping self down the stairs he announced with excitement, “I’ve got it!”  “You’ve got what?”  I asked.  “I have our little girls name.”  I was amused by this because I wasn’t even pregnant.  I decided to ask a very logical question.  “That’s nice honey, but what if God gives us a boy?”  Warren’s reply took me by surprise!  With absoluteness in his tone he said, “Nope!  We are having a girl and I have her name.  Do you want to hear it?”  I will be honest, this is where I braced myself because I never knew what he could come up with.  “Yes I want to hear it”, I said in response.  He then went on to explain how he was in the shower thinking about the name Moriah.  Moriah is the name friends of ours had just given their new baby girl.  He told me how he loved my name but knew from other conversations that neither one of use wanted a Warren or Shannan “Junior”, so he took the two names, Shannan and Moriah, and combined them.  “Shariah is her name.”  I was absolutely floored!  I was certain I was not going to like his first thoughts in the naming process, but I LOVED it!

I didn’t know what to make of this conversation or the empty room at the top of the stairs when Warren was killed the beginning of January, 2006.  The room remained a lump in the back of my throat each time I passed by it, but the name made complete sense just a few days after Warren’s death.

After all the reporters were done with their interviews and the local law enforcers made their stance clear, once all the stuff was off our tour bus and loaded into a trailer, we were ready to head home to Nashville so we could catch our flight to Canada to prepare for the funeral.  Canada is where all of Warren’s family is and the place where he now rests.

We had agreed to stay in the small town in South Carolina until noon in order to finish talking over a few things with the police.*  We were saddened by the outcome of that delay, but what did transpire at ten o’clock that morning has been what I call a God hug in the midst of overwhelming chaos.

There was a tap on the door as a lady entered the pastor’s home where myself and the rest of my ministry team had been staying.  She was from the church* where we were scheduled to minister the morning following Warren’s death.  In her hands was a long white box.  She set the box on the table and began to speak as she opened it.

“My mom has been designing and making porcelain dolls for a while now.  She pours the molds, paints them, and makes the clothes specific for each one.  This doll happens to be one that has won a first place blue ribbon, and she would like you to have it.”

When I looked into the box, there was the most beautiful baby girl dressed all in pink with white ruffles.  I began to cry and said, “I know her name!”  “Her name is Shariah.”

God spoke in an audible voice to my Baptist raise husband just forty days before he entered heaven.  As Warren lay awake with worry over all the changes about to take place, God spoke to him.  He said, “Don’t worry.  I’ve got it all figured out.”

Why do I share this story with you after all of this time?  The answer has two parts.

1.  I had tucked away any thoughts of becoming a mom simply because it was too painful to think about, but my heart is awake now and I will no longer shove my desires aside.  I love “Shariah”, but I still dream of the day when I will no longer have to borrow families because I will have one of my own.  I am staying balanced in my desire, though, and will not make future decisions on these emotions alone.

2.  Never assume you can figure God out.  He does not make sense to our human minds, but we can rest in the absolute fact that God sure does have every tiny little detail is in His care.  Including having a perfect, blue ribbon winning, baby girl ready to place in my arms.  Warren was right…

She has green eyes just like me 🙂

“I wait for the Lord, I expectantly wait, and in His word do I hope.” – Psalm 130:5

~Shannan

2011, Keeping it real!

*Jeremiah 29:11-14

*I want to thank Pastor Rodney Lindsay, his wife Debbie, and the congregation of Calvary Church of The Nazarene for all they did for me, Warren’s family, and the entire P3 ministry team during such a difficult time.  You have never been forgotten and you are all greatly loved.  Thank You!

*Warren Parker, Memorial Footage

I Love That I Serve The Almighty God Who Cannot Be Figured Out By Man!