In The Darkness Our Ears Are Tuned

“Rejoice in the Lord always.  Again I will say, rejoice.” ~Phil. 4:4

 

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I Had To Be Buried and Die Before I Could Live

 

Are you battling with depression?  I certainly have in the past.  For me it was a time of deep dark silence.  I could not hear God, nor feel any ounce of His existence.  I could be standing in a building filled with 10,000 people and still feel completely alone.  As a matter of fact, I did so many times.  My loneliness came when I was traveling in full-time music ministry.  I remember standing on a platform to sing and share “words of hope” with the crowd before me, yet such a darkness hung over my head that I was literally unable to see the faces of the people.  I was standing at my microphone on a Sunday morning, in the beautiful state of Maine, with a haze so thick over my heart and mind that it physically caused my eyes to blur.

I was starting to get angry because I had no reason to be feeling the way I was.  God was blessing our ministry.  We were seeing so many people surrender their lives to Jesus.  They were finding hope and joy, yet I had none; at least I didn’t have the feelings of the two.  I could not pinpoint the source of my pain and this made my sadness increase all the more.  That day I told Warren I was done.  I could not continue to stand on a stage and speak if God was done talking to me.  I relied on Him to give me the words to share because He knew the state of the hearts before me.  If He was done talking to me, I was no longer going to be a part of ‘The Parker Trio.’

I continued to read my Bible though I heard and felt nothing.  I continued to plead with God to speak to me.  I so desperately wanted to hear from Him, even if He was to chastise me for something.  Often my prayers were little more than, “Please!!!!!”  The “please” was my heart crying out, asking for anything at all.  I searched my heart and tried to find a reason for His quietness but could not come to a conclusion.  I cannot tell you how many months of this gloom passed by.  All I know, is I wrestled internally and was exhausted.

Another morning came, and again I picked my Bible up with little hope of anything changing, but today was a teeny-weeny bit different.  The feeling of God’s presence came so slightly that I had to stop and lean into my Bible to listen.  I closed my eyes and held my breath to tune my ears to hear. That’s all I got that day, just a subtle nudge from the Holy Spirit to what I knew deep, deep, DEEP within; He is God, He is good, and He never truly left me.

 

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Hear The Beauty In The Darkness

 

To this day, I cannot tell you why I had to walk through that quiet season, but I can tell you that I’m thankful for it.  I learned through that storm that my relationship with God is based on much more than emotion.  As I wrestled to pray and read, God was still filling me with His words of truth – even when it all felt empty and useless.

If you are in a place of struggle and fighting for hope, keep fighting.  Like me, you may not get that “AHA!” moment of revelation where the world is suddenly bright again, but it will return little by little if you keep searching God’s word and calling to Him for help, (Psalm 121:1-3).

In Jesus name and Strength, we do not have to be tossed by the storms of life.  We do not have to be shaken or moved by the anxieties of this world.  Troubles do not have to dictate our day.  Let’s remember what God tells us; We are more than conquers.  We are seated with Christ in heavenly places, and no weapon formed against us will prosper, (Rom. 8:37, Eph. 2:6-7, Isa. 54:17).

“and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” ~Phil. 4:7

If I am a victim, I am only so of my own willingness to accept the lie. ~Shannan Parker, Oct. 10 ‘2010